I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
