During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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