thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we're so committed to being not committed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
