he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
