lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize