i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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