My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
there is glitter all over my balls
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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