Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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