I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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