I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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