Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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