she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
