I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
