Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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