talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
