Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
