The maid of honor just puked.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
