My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
