You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
