just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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