i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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