I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
