im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
