it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
