Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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