my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
