No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He felt like a one man threesome
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
