Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
