I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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