I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize