All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
