Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
