Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
