I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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