Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
