we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
