Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
