I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
