Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
