A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
