You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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