I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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