Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
