He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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