im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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