We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
