upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
