His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
