final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize