Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
