I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
