Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
