my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
