You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
