I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
