Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
