Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
