You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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