So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize