You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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