My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
