he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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