I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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