Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
